10. Recent blood-meal.
9. False chancre on genitals.
8. Receptive anal intercourse with vagrant with false positive VDRL.
7. Primary care provider lisps, just trying to get him/her to say "thiphillith".
6. Phlebotomist not wearing condom during blood draw
5. You are married to the junior Senator from the great state of New York
4. Painless ulcer on dildo.
3. Got testing done at Discount Serology Shack ... where your VDRL's positive, or the next one's FREE!
2. Sex with world-renowned sitar master Ravi Chancre
1. Recently chewing Trident Sugarless Gumma