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Fun Medical Jokes
Fun Section - Medical MCQs - Nagging Q Forum: Any Medical MCQ from any Medical Exam (Please post only one MCQ in a single thread) Forum - Fun Books

Top Ten Reasons For False-Positive VDRL
by - 8394 reads, based on 5 votes
10. Recent blood-meal. 9. False chancre on genitals. 8. Receptive anal intercourse with vagrant with false positive VDRL. 7. Primary care provider lisps, just trying to get him/her to say "thiphillith". 6. Phlebotomist not wearing condom during blood draw 5. You are married to the junior Senator from the great state of New York 4. Painless ulcer on dildo. 3. Got testing done at Discount Serology Shack ... where your VDRL's positive, or the next one's FREE! 2. Sex with world-renowned sitar master Ravi Chancre 1. Recently chewing Trident Sugarless Gumma ... More

by - 3843 reads, based on 1 vote
After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to get it up anymore. He goes to his doctor, his doctor tries a few things but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him "this is all in your mind", and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confesses "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured." Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor. The witch doctor tells him, "I can cure this", and throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.... The witch doctor says "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say '1 2 3' and it shall... More

Sexually Active!
by - 4632 reads, based on 10 votes
While assisting in an exam on a young women who was presented to the ER with lower abdominal pains, the doctor asked her if she were sexually active. The young woman appeared slightly embarrassed by the question, but replied, "No, I just lay there." ... More

by - 3957 reads, based on 3 votes
The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will." "That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change..." ... More

by - 3508 reads, based on 5 votes
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work. The first surgeon said, "I think that accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second surgeon said, "I think that librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything is in alphabetical order." The third surgeon said, "I think that electricians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything is color coded." The fourth surgeon said, "I think that lawyers are the easiest to operate on. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their ass are interchangeable." ... More

by - 2710 reads, 0 votes
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live very long. What should I do?" "I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let's see, do you smoke?" "Oh.. Half a pack a day." "Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees. The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?" "Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while." "Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions." The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor asks, "How do you eat?" "Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff." "Starting now you are going on a very strict diet: you are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat c... More

by - 3129 reads, based on 3 votes
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing. "Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before." The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?" "On my balls." ... More

Bad News
by - 3021 reads, 0 votes
The doctor called Mrs. Cooney over and gave her the news. "I'm afraid your husband has a very serious illness. In fact, it might be fatal. There are two things you have to do to save his life. First, you'll have to fix him three home-cooked meals a day for the rest of his life. And second, you'll have to make love to him every day without fail." "I'll break the news to him myself," she said. Stepping across the waiting room to her husband Mrs. Cooney announced, "Guess what, Cooney. You're gonna die!!" ... More

by - 2956 reads, 0 votes
A doctor and a nurse just got married. As they were lying in bed one night, the doctor said to the nurse, "Honey, to avoid any problems, let's try the following system. When we go to bed at night, if you would like to have sex, pull at my penis one time.... ....and if you don't want to have sex, pull at my penis 100 times!!"... More

Dental Extraction
by - 3448 reads, based on 1 vote
Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates." The woman replies, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we." ... More

by - 3156 reads, 0 votes
There was this guy in the hospital that was scheduled for surgery. On the morning of his operation he starts yelling that he wants coffee. The nurse comes in and asks him to be quiet, as he is disturbing the other patients. "But I've had coffee every morning for forty years and I want a cup of coffee NOW!" he screamed. The nurse quickly and silently counts to ten and replies, "Now sir, you realize that you are due to go into surgery in an hour and you can't have anything on your stomach. Couldn't you do without coffee just this once?" The guy starts to rant even more and the doctor comes in to see what is the matter with the patient. The nurse explains the situation to him and the d... More

by - 2798 reads, 0 votes
This young couple had only been married for about two weeks when the wife complains of a burning sensation in her chest. She tells her husband who suggests that she goes to the doctor to be examined. She arranges an appointment and goes the following day. The husband, while at work receives a call from the doctor. Doctor: "I am sorry to say your wife has acute angina..." Husband: "Yeah, I know, she's also got a nice pair of tits too!" ... More

Height of ....
by - 3128 reads, 0 votes
What kind of job do you do?" a lady passenger asked the man traveling in her compartment. "I'm a naval surgeon," he replied. "Goodness!" said the lady, "How you doctors specialize these days."... More

by - 3201 reads, based on 1 vote
At the doctor's office a woman complained that she had been experiencing constant flatus. “Fortunately,” she added, “they don't stink.” The physician did his physical exam, then instructed the woman “take two of these pills tonight and call me in the morning.” The woman did as he instructed. In the morning, she discovered that her flatus continued, but now the odor was horrendous. She called him back. “Well,” the doctor replied, “now that I've cured your sinus problem, I'll see what I can do about your flatus.” ... More

by - 3078 reads, based on 1 vote
The nurse went in to check her patient in the ICU who was wearing nasal prongs. The nurse tried to talk to him, but all she could get out of him was gasping and unintelligible talk. Finally, the nurse thrust a note pad and pencil at the patient and said, “I can't understand you, sir. Please write it down.” The patient weakly scribbled on the pad, “Get your dang foot off my oxygen tube!” ... More

How to know?
by - 3005 reads, based on 1 vote
Q: How do you know which doctor is a urologist? A: He is the one that washes his hands before he urinates. ... More

by - 3040 reads, 0 votes
A patient wakes up following an operation to find the doctor standing at the foot of the bed. "Doctor, how did it go? "I have good news and bad news", says the doctor. "Give me the good news, I feel terrible and I need cheering up" "The good news is that we managed to save your testicles" "Thats terrific. What's the bad news?" "They are under your pillow." ... More

Really Bad News
by - 2698 reads, 0 votes
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live. Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news? Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday. ... More

Birth Control
by - 2814 reads, 0 votes
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills." Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night." ... More

by - 2771 reads, based on 1 vote
A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?" The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain." "I know, but can't you give me some idea?," she asks. "Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..." "Like this?" "A little more..." "Like this?" "No. A little more..." "Like this?" "Yes. Does that hurt?" "A little bit." "Now stretch it over your head!" ... More

Mr. Smith
by - 2445 reads, 0 votes
Mr. Smith went to the Doctor's surgery to collect his wife's test results. Receptionist: I'm sorry Sir but there has been a bit of a mix up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. smith went as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife. Mr. Smith : So what is the problem? Receptionist: Well the news is either bad or terrible. Mr. Smith: What do you mean? Receptionist: Well one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimers Disease and the othe for AIDS and we cannot tell which is your wife. Mr. Smith: that's terrible, what am I supposed to do now? Receptionist: All the doctor can recommend is that... More

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