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K_Sara_Sara
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Thursday 6th of November 2008 08:39:05 PM (1 year ago)
#101
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| mightchillout wrote: |
| siya wrote: |
| Maximum level of closeness is always decided by two in relationship but maximum level of distance can be decided by one also. |
amazing insight !!.......
one thing i presume.....silence takes two people....if he other one is silent...maybe its coz i'm silent too......maybe coz its presumed that i wont respond.....maybe coz i'm cold...... |
..Wish i could "ditto" Silence too.. sumday.........
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clueless
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Thursday 6th of November 2008 08:45:49 PM (1 year ago)
#102
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| siya wrote: |
| Maximum level of closeness is always decided by two in relationship but maximum level of distance can be decided by one also. |
... so true! ...
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shravani
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Sunday 9th of November 2008 12:24:27 AM (1 year ago)
#103
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| clueless wrote: |
| siya wrote: |
| Maximum level of closeness is always decided by two in relationship but maximum level of distance can be decided by one also. |
... so true! ... |
hmmmmmmmm
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Cybaba
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Thursday 13th of November 2008 07:11:04 PM (1 year ago)
#104
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| K_Sara_Sara wrote: |
| Cybaba wrote: |
| .....love is not give and take. Yov love a person for what she/he is. You dön't love someone to gain something in return. It's just a feeling for someone no matter what they do to you. Does your mother's love mean she expect something from you? No, surely not. It's just one of those noble human urges for which there is often no logic. It's selfless. Enjoy object of your affection while it is with you because sometimes you have to let go of things you love. Remember the times you spent together and all the enjoyment you had together. She has given me immense pleasure while with me and i can have no more complaints. I still love her for what she is and wish her all the luck in her life. You wouldn't want her to be unhappy, would you? You wouldn't want to keep a person who is no longer happy with you. May be she is too good for me or may be we were never meant to be together. Thats not worth thinking about. |
....Love is selfless no doubt.....
..and there are myriad shades....
..i never said its give-n-take....
..but i accept a person with all his shades... if i love him truly.....
..that stands true vice versa too.....
..otherwise in ur own words.....
...You wouldn't want to keep a person who is no longer happy with you.
....may be we were never meant to be together.
..anywyz.. by any means..
..i didn't mean to hurt ur sentiments.....
..nor wuz trying to be judgemental with regards to ur affection.......
..maybe my bitterness is spilling over in my words...
..and i shall stop posting for a while......
..hope there's no hard feelings.....
..take care..
regards,
Sara. |
I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.
Watching he walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.
And as the famous Hindi movie cliche goes, if you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were
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Siyaa
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Thursday 13th of November 2008 09:47:21 PM (1 year ago)
#105
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| Cybaba wrote: |
And as the famous Hindi movie cliche goes, if you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were |
Very Correct! But in hindi culture one relationship is generally treated as closed street once u exit.I have never seen such reunion where gal left a guy for other and eventually came back .I dont know why is so.There are so many things about our culture which actually i dont understand reason behind.I dont understand why
1) Why Parents dont openly allow falling in love.Is it bad to know each other before marriage or attempt doing so.If immaturity is a vice then there cud be a permission age like 25.Why not?
2)Why arranged marriages are considered success while recent data indicates so much of backlog of divorce cases in India never ever seen before.Arranged marriages were success until women were submissive which is no longer the case.
3)Why Parents are blamed for the their son or daughters' 'sanskar' ; our Sanskar are largely governed now by media, surroundings not only by parents.
It is a very simple equation of how much do you take from whom?
I dont like this word 'Sanskar' any more.I heard in my relatives alone from so many Moms-in-law whiplashing their daughters-in-law and indirectly taking digs at their parents kind courtesy Ekta Kapoor serials who reintroduced the word.I have heard from others that Ekta Kapoor has done a very good job in training mom-in-laws and daughters-in-law of current genre to plot and scheme.
4)Why dont we give "Acceptance" to "NORMAL" things for example i dont imagine a 16 year old gal coming home in front of guests and confessing her crush for a classmate cuz she wud immediately get a label.I cant imagine a 16 year old boy confessing in front of anyone that he is watching gals' pictures of all kinds because he wud immediately get a label though every single guy does.
Are we scared of accepting truth.Isnt it closing eyes deliberately for no reason.Why do we deny the "normal" effect of hormones.???
5)Why one affair dissolution , one marriage break up or one child makes one so much abandonable in society that your best chances of remarrying comes only thru falling in love again and no parents wud accept a divorced person for their unmarried daughter or son.
It is just one affair, one marriage which dint work so why so many issues about it.People fail at so many things All India, Pre PG , clinical practice , in handling an easy case.....then what happens if it is marriage?
And if a woman has a child out of wedlock ....she has significant chances to stay single all life.
I remember once reading about Pierce Brosnon, he married his first wife who was already divorced and mom of two toddlers.He was in England/Ireland dont know but she pushed him to move to hollywood probably that is when Remington Steele,Bond movies came way and he was hit overnight.The woman died of cancer after that.Mind you the two children of his demised wife are still with Pierce Brosnon and he isnt biological father and moreso when he is remarried now , and have two children of his own with current wife, couple is looking after them.I can never expect this from any one of us doing that.
6)Why marriage at so called right age becomes so much of concern?
7) And last but not the least if a dughter in law doesnt fit into a family why she is called as Bad person rather than 'A person with a difference of Opinion'.Two good persons can be polar opposite right.A Girl is a one discrete person and isnt not born to please a whole family.The maximum if u want to believe cud be the husband.
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veins
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Sunday 16th of November 2008 08:45:05 PM (1 year ago)
#106
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| Siyaa wrote: |
| Cybaba wrote: |
And as the famous Hindi movie cliche goes, if you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were |
1) Why Parents dont openly allow falling in love.Is it bad to know each other before marriage or attempt doing so. |
Welll Siyaa......Indians have learnt the vices....but not the virtues of the WEST...an open mind to LOVE/SEX and marriage is stilll direly needed especially from parents.....I have seen parents breaking their childrens marriages/and subsequently their hearts and lives..
| Siyaa wrote: |
| 2)Why arranged marriages are considered success while recent data indicates so much of backlog of divorce cases in India never ever seen before.Arranged marriages were success until women were submissive which is no longer the case. |
Absolutely right..........Women now dont take shit.....i have seen a lot of Ladies been really upfront about their needs and desires....yet it is never black or white,,,both parties can be equally at blame..
| Siyaa wrote: |
3)
I dont like this word 'Sanskar' any more.
I heard in my relatives alone from so many Moms-in-law whiplashing their daughters-in-law and indirectly taking digs at their parents kind courtesy Ekta kapoor |
Thanks to Ekta Kapoor....relations are now much more confused than they were before........Sometimes i feeel like asking her to get married and then make a serial on her own "married life" rather making such horrible imaginative trash!!!
| Siyaa wrote: |
4)
Are we scared of accepting truth.Isnt it closing eyes deliberately for no reason.Why do we deny the "normal" effect of hormones.??? |
Yes we are...........Truth is like a dreaded deamon...when in reality life will be much easier with truth!!!
| Siyaa wrote: |
5)I remember once reading about Pierce Brosnon, he married his first wife who was already divorced and mom of two toddlers.He was in England/<a href="http://www.rxpgonline.com/forum31.html">Ireland</a>
dont know but she pushed him to move to hollywood probably that is when Remington Steele,Bond movies came way and he was hit overnight.The woman died of cancer after that.Mind you the two children of his demised wife are still with Pierce Brosnon and he isnt biological father and moreso when he is remarried now , and have two children of his own with current wife, couple is looking after them.I can never expect this from any one of us doing that. |
Very very inspiring....
| Siyaa wrote: |
| 6)Why marriage at so called right age becomes so much of concern? |
Unavoidable concern of parents...plagues the females first...
| Siyaa wrote: |
| 7)A Girl is a one discrete person and isnt not born to please a whole family. |
God alone knows when people will realise this...and further more....even the hubby's want their wives to be in the 'good books' of their families...depressing 
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Cybaba
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Monday 17th of November 2008 01:39:52 AM (1 year ago)
#107
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| Siyaa wrote: |
Very Correct! But in hindi culture one relationship is generally treated as closed street once u exit.I have never seen such reunion where gal left a guy for other and eventually came back .I dont know why is so. |
because the very process is inherently destructive in most of the cases. People usually move on, sometimes they have burnt all their bridges during separation. And yeah, different people have different ideas about love. IMO it's a rare thing to find everywhere, and unforgiving social and matrimonial practices may not be very helpful in such situation. It's a question of individual and societal maturity and understanding that happiness is more about having a good health & a bad memory.
| Quote: |
1) Why Parents dont openly allow falling in love.Is it bad to know each other before marriage or attempt doing so.If immaturity is a vice then there cud be a permission age like 25.Why not?
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it is just matter of time, these things take much longer time to gain an acceptance. My parents were like if you can find a girl to marry, go straight ahead, just tell them when to turn up to give their blessings.
| Quote: |
2)Why arranged marriages are considered success while recent data indicates so much of backlog of divorce cases in India never ever seen before.Arranged marriages were success until women were submissive which is no longer the case.
|
arrange marriages are not necessarily bad thing, they don't imply master and servant relationship. they just reflect predominant culture of a society. As we move towards more individualistic society problems of ego are very much in conflict with institution of marriage, which is essentially a collaborative, an ability to see beyond differences. Financial independence of women means that finances would no longer be a deterrent against filing a case for divorce. The recent rise in divorce cases as you point out just shows that more and more women don't want to be tied down in situation they no longer wish to be in. Arranged marriage is not perfect system but love marriage isn't the solution either. Its a newer concept and it will take time. Love marriage sometimes gives you delusion of choice and carrot of "happily ever after". when love marriages fail they hurt more because in love you almost never think about vagaries of marriage. May be parents are just trying to be protect you, coz however old you may get you will always be the kid they taught how to walk.
| Quote: |
3)Why Parents are blamed for the their son or daughters' 'sanskar' ; our Sanskar are largely governed now by media, surroundings not only by parents.
It is a very simple equation of how much do you take from whom?
I dont like this word 'Sanskar' any more.I heard in my relatives alone from so many Moms-in-law whiplashing their daughters-in-law and indirectly taking digs at their parents kind courtesy Ekta Kapoor serials who reintroduced the word.I have heard from others that Ekta Kapoor has done a very good job in training mom-in-laws and daughters-in-law of current genre to plot and scheme.
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i don't quite get the point. Are you married?
| Quote: |
4)Why dont we give "Acceptance" to "NORMAL" things for example i dont imagine a 16 year old gal coming home in front of guests and confessing her crush for a classmate cuz she wud immediately get a label.I cant imagine a 16 year old boy confessing in front of anyone that he is watching gals' pictures of all kinds because he wud immediately get a label though every single guy does.
|
many a times approval is tacit, so you might misjudge reactions of your parents. Honestly, do you think you would have been better off if your silly school girl crushes were to be gone unchecked? There is a right time for everything, and there is always a right person in whom you can cönfide your dirty littile secrets/guilty pleasures. Its just that teenage is not the right time and Indian parents are not the right persons.
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Cybaba
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Monday 17th of November 2008 01:55:52 AM (1 year ago)
#108
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| Siyaa wrote: |
5)Why one affair dissolution , one marriage break up or one child makes one so much abandonable in society that your best chances of remarrying comes only thru falling in love again and no parents wud accept a divorced person for their unmarried daughter or son.
It is just one affair, one marriage which dint work so why so many issues about it.People fail at so many things All India, Pre PG , clinical practice , in handling an easy case.....then what happens if it is marriage?
And if a woman has a child out of wedlock ....she has significant chances to stay single all life.
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forgive me if i sound blunt but i can't put it any other way. India although a huge market for secondhand goods last thing an Indian guy would have is a second hand wife. I don't know why such an obsession but as the divorces increase and people separate at an younger age things will change there are already separate portals for people who want to take "saat pheras" again.
| Quote: |
6)Why marriage at so called right age becomes so much of concern?
|
i agree, although it seems to have a scientific and pragmatic basis, it verges on level of obsession.
| Quote: |
| 7) And last but not the least if a dughter in law doesnt fit into a family why she is called as Bad person rather than 'A person with a difference of Opinion'.Two good persons can be polar opposite right.A Girl is a one discrete person and isnt not born to please a whole family.The maximum if u want to believe cud be the husband. |
thats so univesally human, hardly an Indian phenomenon
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Siyaa
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Monday 17th of November 2008 10:46:30 AM (1 year ago)
#109
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| Cybaba wrote: |
Indian guy would have is a second hand wife. |
Well , it takes a lot to handle this sentence. 
Adulation to Indian Guys!!!!!
I know only one guy so far who has done it.One of my senior , a very nice gal who was a gyneacology resident , got married , marriage proved out to be a disaster, she stepped out.Finally in her group- friends, one of her friend who was always her admirer , got married to her,They are a very happy couple now.
| Cybaba wrote: |
portals for people who want to take "saat pheras" again.
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14 Feraas around fire!!
Fire bhi sochti hogi" Yaar ,Yeh Doolha kuchh dekha dekha sa lagta hai..  ...arre yaad aaya yeh to pichhle saal bhi aaya thha!!!" 
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| Cybaba wrote: |
i don't quite get the point. Are you married?
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I know substantial amount about jaundice , HIV, cancer bla bla without having any of them.
Jokes apart...i wanted to say was that many a times i have heard my cousins ,my many friends hearing these statements from their mom-in-law
"Beta , tumhara bhi kasoor nahi hai...tum to waise hi karoge jaise sanskar tumhare ma-baap ne diye hai." .
My sister also heard such sentences from mom-in law until this april when i went to India and actually asked her mom-in-law during my visit. I ,very candidly ,with an ear to ear smile took a dig on her
"Aunty , just let me know what kind of sanskar parents should give to daughters.I want to learn  it from you.And also I need to compare my sister with ur own daughter".
(I already knew that her own daughter hears same kind of sentences from her mom-in-law. ; . Funny and ridiculous system!!!!)
The woman was Red and speechless.My sister showed a sharp stare at me .
I laughed it off but my brother-in-law who actually respects my protective instincts for my sister promised while i was about to leave that he wud take care that my sister never gets this indirect digs on my parents this way from his mom.
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Siyaa
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Monday 17th of November 2008 11:05:37 AM (1 year ago)
#110
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Another phenomenon in cultures seen is
Agism
Typical example wud be
"I am 60 years old so all i say is always correct and giving instructions is my bonafide right and taking instructions is your lifebound duty."
If you disagree with them it is not disagreement it is disrespect.
Disagree----their interpretation wud be ---Disrespect
and for Disobedience------->Lack of love and care for them.
I fail to understand why egos are so fragile at that age that a little disagreement /disobedience amounts to label their children as uncaring.
Parents always say they want best for their child .Absolutely correct ! Intentions are purest in parents for a child' good.Noone can love u as much as u parents can .That is correct.
But good intentions and good decisions are two different things.You can have best of intentions but still your decision might turn wrong for your own child.Beacuse ur decisions wud go correct more by ur decision-making capability and their respective accuracy percentage not only by intentions or emotional index.That is what happens so many times.But.....
....that is how life is!
.
.
.PS:- havent suffered ever from Agism in my family ; quoting from others' eperience.
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Siyaa
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Monday 17th of November 2008 11:14:25 AM (1 year ago)
#111
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| veins wrote: |
Sometimes i feeel like asking her to get married and then make a serial on her own "married life" rather making such horrible imaginative trash!!!
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She will arrange a Bridegroom with initial of "K " cud be Mr Kamzor Kumar and her mom in law wud be "Mrs .Kurukshetrika" trained by her own serials . Her kids wud be Kaamchor and Kaamchorika and Her life eventually might turn into "Kanta-Laga or Kati- Patang."
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Mango
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Monday 17th of November 2008 11:56:05 AM (1 year ago)
#112
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Hats-off to SIYAA.... u rock!
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watchman22
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Monday 17th of November 2008 03:42:40 PM (1 year ago)
#113
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 worst thing in life is mcqs without explanation
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tarachandg
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Monday 17th of November 2008 03:54:11 PM (1 year ago)
#114
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hi archana, thanks for reminding me. now i am back on rxpg
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Cybaba
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Monday 17th of November 2008 08:58:32 PM (1 year ago)
#115
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| Siyaa wrote: |
Well , it takes a lot to handle this sentence.
Adulation to Indian Guys!!!!!
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hope it didn't came down as crushing let down or something. I doubt Indian gals, given the choice, would be open to idea of secondhand husband either.
For the starter you should remember going for something secondhand in any aspect of life is seen more as a sign of desperation than that of choice. Humans by nature have a this tendency to conquer pristine. There is no denying that. It takes something of a character and family support to stand contrary to popular wisdom.
| Quote: |
14 Feraas around fire!!
Fire bhi sochti hogi" Yaar ,Yeh Doolha kuchh dekha dekha sa lagta hai.. ...arre yaad aaya yeh to pichhle saal bhi aaya thha!! |
still trying to make out whether its more tragic than funny or more funny than tragic.
| Quote: |
I know substantial amount about jaundice , HIV, cancer bla bla without having any of them.
|
what you are still not married? It's just about time you find your prince charming. It seems there is no dearth of your admirers on this forum, Mango being the latest case in point.
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veins
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Monday 17th of November 2008 10:51:55 PM (1 year ago)
#116
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| Siyaa wrote: |
.PS:- havent suffered ever from Agism in my family ; quoting from others' eperience. |
LOL  Hmmm nice way to prove...........................that u r a protozoa before the real parasite!!! 
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Siyaa
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Monday 17th of November 2008 11:17:16 PM (1 year ago)
#117
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| Cybaba wrote: |
hope it didn't came down as crushing let down or something. I doubt Indian gals, given the choice, would be open to idea of secondhand husband either.
For the starter you should remember going for something secondhand in any aspect of life is seen more as a sign of desperation than that of choice. Humans by nature have a this tendency to conquer pristine. There is no denying that. It takes something of a character and family support to stand contrary to popular wisdom.
|
I understand ,your idea behind this ' secondhand ' thing cud be one reason too; i wont deny it that the way things and cultural norms are in India it sounds very convincing on either side that ,"why i should get married to a divorcee?"
Beacuse divorcee are treated as abnormal suspicious people who didnt have something in them or had something in them which led to divorce.
But i dont agree with this desperation behind going for someone so called secondhand.
Because many a times we think we are in love with someone we come across who was very attractive , seemed to be nice and bla bla.All of sudden roses become redder.We very happily categorise it Love and highest thing we might have seen so far.You as a first timer wont even know if there is anything better than that.May be relationship works or doesnt work.If it works, you feel good but the maximum level of happiness or psychological attachment becomes the highest possible level.And your mind just assumes that everyone gets only that level like you have reached.
But if it doesnt work , at some point you sit down and think the various reasons of why it didnt work?You ponder over few things about you and few things about him/her.Understandably u start wondering that why cudnt you realise at any point while it was going on that this outcome was possible.Love made u blind and dumb too !?!
Probably that is what u keep in mind during your second time that now it is time to look for something else other than a handosme /pretty face /a MD /MS/ OR DM degree /a presentable charming outlook.........then you start looking for someone who cares enough to explore your mind and just understands you every damn way, actually configures the compatibility , actually applies it to forthcoming life situations and can do with it.
Who is sure that ur negativities dont affect him/her and your positivites are enough already to make it work.And ofcourse you do the same home-work to gauge workability rather thn falling in puppy love again.
Who is just wonderful to be with and ur timings with him /her are really soulful and amazing.Ofcourse loyality and genuinity hits the chart at top-positions.
So at that point i guess past doesnt matter because everyone knows that no-one amongst us has ever taken an official course of how to fall in love and succeed.This is funny that this is very important aspect of life and we all have no option but to go by trial and error, imaginations and speculations.
One broken relationship is essentially choice of one/two of the pair but broken marraiges have most often either or two families responsibile behindit rather than their ownselves.Divorcees might be more innocent in the tragedy they face than those hwo stepped out of love.
But going for arranged marraige again might actually be akin going to lottery stall again unless u take gap of 6-7 or more months to understand that person and actually configure honestly that how promising things are.
now on funny note :- i have plans to tease my younger sibling that i got parents first hand (being eldest)and you got second-hand .I already am nasty enough to celebrate my birthday as Mom-Dads' Parents' day too.I always congratulate them for being parents on that day and give credit to myself for making them so.
| Cybaba wrote: |
| Quote: |
14 Feraas around fire!!
Fire bhi sochti hogi" Yaar ,Yeh Doolha kuchh dekha dekha sa lagta hai.. ...arre yaad aaya yeh to pichhle saal bhi aaya thha!! |
still trying to make out whether its more tragic than funny or more funny than tragic. |
I agree it was a bad joke.My 'intention' is clean and pure the defect is in sentence structuring areas in brain.Probably was being funny in face of tragedy.Yes , ofcourse it is quite tragic when someone goes thru pain of break-up. I wish noone ever gets thorn-pricks in garden of love.
| Cybaba wrote: |
| Quote: |
I know substantial amount about jaundice , HIV, cancer bla bla without having any of them.
|
what you are still not married? It's just about time you find your prince charming. It seems there is no dearth of your admirers on this forum, Mango being the latest case in point. |
As far as i am concerned i am an atypical thinker so dont expect my life hitting typical milestones wrt time or might even not hit few at all.
ya i am thankful for adulation i get ....but alas ! writing in a forum is not an acomplishment enough for marriageabilty, even if the other person doesnt know , atleast i know about it.!! I might have done my home-work well but in marriage 'you' suffer from partners' mistaken decision too!!!!
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BGM
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Tuesday 18th of November 2008 01:03:13 AM (1 year ago)
#118
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Worse thing as a Doctor:
*Having to refer a seriously ill patient bcoz of my inability to handle it on my own.
*Watching a terminally ill patient die. The feeling of helplessness, Waiting for an impossible miracle.
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Cybaba
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Preparing for: AIPGE
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Tuesday 18th of November 2008 09:37:31 AM (1 year ago)
#119
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| Siyaa wrote: |
But i dont agree with this desperation behind going for someone so called secondhand.
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it's just the way society looks at it. You can't really do anything about that, can you?
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But going for arranged marraige again might actually be akin going to lottery stall again unless u take gap of 6-7 or more months to understand that person and actually configure honestly that how promising things are.
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i seriously advice you read Ibsen's plays or if you get a chance to watch them, since it appears that you live abroad, you might as well get a chance to watch. I especially recommend 'Hedda Gabler' and 'the lady of the sea'. That would be some food for thought to yot. It's an interesting dialectic on love and marriage. You sometimes really don't want to ruin a love with a marriage!
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| now on funny note :- i have plans to tease my younger sibling that i got parents first hand (being eldest)and you got second-hand . |
but don't you think parents sympathy usually lie with us secondhanders. May be thats a way of balancing the books.
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| I agree it was a bad joke. |
was it really?
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As far as i am concerned i am an atypical thinker so dont expect my life hitting typical milestones wrt time or might even not hit few at all.
ya i am thankful for adulation i get ....but alas ! writing in a forum is not an acomplishment enough for marriageabilty, even if the other person doesnt know , atleast i know about it.!! I might have done my home-work well but in marriage 'you' suffer from partners' mistaken decision too! |
relax yaar! There are too many grinning smileys in that post. I was just trying to be little tongue in cheek.
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veins
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Tuesday 18th of November 2008 10:47:53 PM (1 year ago)
#120
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| Siyaa wrote: |
| veins wrote: |
Sometimes i feeel like asking her to get married and then make a serial on her own "married life" rather making such horrible imaginative trash!!!
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She will arrange a Bridegroom with initial of "K " cud be Mr Kamzor Kumar and her mom in law wud be "Mrs .Kurukshetrika" trained by her own serials . Her kids wud be Kaamchor and Kaamchorika and Her life eventually might turn into "Kanta-Laga or Kati- Patang." |
   ROFL......
Ekta kapoor must read this...she will get a lovely idea....and a HIT one toooo!!!!!!!!!!!
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