"DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?”
Junior asks his dad, His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies, “Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!”
“Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.”
“Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted
in her BIOS. Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said:
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"You’ve Got Male!”
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A Letter from a Software Professional to his girl friend:
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Sweetheart, I've seen you yesterday while surfing on local train platform and realised that you are the only site I was browsing for.
For long time,I've been lonely,this has been the bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now. My life is just uncompiled program without you which never produces an executable code and hence is useless.
You are not only beautiful by face but all your ActiveX controls are attractive as well. Your smile is so delightful which encourages me and gives power to me equal to thousands of mainframes processing power
When you looked at me last evening, I felt like all my program modules are running smoothly and giving expected results. which I never experienced before.
With this letter,I just want to convey you that, if we are linked together,I'll provide you all objects & libraries necessary for human being to live a error free life. Also don't bother about the firewall which may be created by our parents as I've strong hacking capabilities by which I'll ultimately break their security passwords and make them agree for our marriage.
I anticipate that nobody has already logged in to your database so that my connect script will fail. And its all certain that if this happened to me, my system will crash beyond recovery.
Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all privileges of your inbox.
UNIX Airways …
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.
Air DOS….
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on ...
Mac Airlines…
All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.
Windows Air…
The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.
Windows NT Air…
Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.
Linux Air…
Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself.
THE GREAT I.T. BATTLE
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Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly, God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT!!
I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for 2 hours, and from those results, I will judge who deserves the better job". So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed way.
They moused. They faxed. They e-mailed. They e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They created labels and cards. They created charts and graphs. They did some genealogy reports.
They did every job known to man. Jesus worked with hea venly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell. Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed.
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all GONE!! I lost everything when the power went out!" Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files! from the past 2 hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"
Signs That Technology Has Taken Over Your Life
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1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is* letterhead.
2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't because there isn't one typewriter in your house-only computers with laser printers.
4. You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
5. You disdain those poor souls that use low baud rates.
6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers-and you gluteus
in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head. 7. You use the phrase "digital compression" in a conversation without thinking how strange your mouth feels when you say it.
8. You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say the phrase "digital compression." Everyone understands what you mean, and you are not surprised or disappointed that you don't have to explain it.
9. You know Bill Gates' e-mail address, but you have to look up your own social security number.
10. You stop saying "phone number" and replace it with "voice number", since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.
11. You sign Christmas cards by putting next to your signature. 12. Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than .
13. You back up your data every day.
14. Your wife asks you to pick up some minipads for her at the store and you return with a rest for your mouse.
15. You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.
16. On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.
17. The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music rarely enters your mind.
18. You are able to argue persuasively the Ross Perot's phrase "electronic town hall" makes more sense than the term "information superhighway," but you don't because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie charts.
19. You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in advance. But you cannot give someone directions to your house without looking up the street names.
20. You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you something, but you think it's okay for a computer to call and demand that you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more information about the product it is selling.
21. You know without a doubt that disks come in five-and-a-quarter- and three-and-a-half-inch sizes. 22. Al Gore strikes you as an "intriguing" fellow.
23. You own a set of itty-bitty screw-drivers and you actually know where they are.
24. While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia surgeries, you compare mouse-induced index-finger strain with a nine-year-old.
25. You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say "I don't know" when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.
26. You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
27. You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.
28. You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions about which is better-the track ball or the track *pad*.
29. You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend, technology has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that you go lie under a tree and write a haiku. And don't use a laptop.
30. You email this message to your friends over the net. You'd never get around to showing it to them in person or reading it to them on the phone. In fact, you have probably never met most of these people face-to-face.
31. You cc this message to your wife.
32. You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.
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Topic Tags: 
1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is* letterhead.
next to your signature.
